The absolute beauty and richness of Death Cafe is that it DOES NOT entertain any agenda...of which there are plenty of. Go back to the tenents of the Death Cafe and why it is done without agenda. It is simple...conversation about death dying and living with no focus on agenda or ideology. When someone wants to push their own agenda I kindly let them know that's not how this works. And if they are promoting some product...same thing. Just say no, thank you.

Posted by Karen Van Dyke (San Diego)

Hello Ms. Jones... You ask a delicate but necessary question regarding this 'Shamanic' brother. On one hand you say his views are "interesting and thoughtful"- inferring viable contribution to the gathering. The other hand reveals the conundrum and perhaps the source of the uncomfortableness felt by others: That though our brother means well, that he (or anyone else) should not monopolize the meetings based on personal views and/or experiences. i suspect this 'monopolizing' is the core challenge you (and other facilitators) will face when it comes to well-intending, enthusiastic folks wishing to 'share' their knowledge (rooted in beliefs...) which can grow into 'agenda' (i.e. the video) if not gently but honestly addressed.

i suspect most folks simply do not know how to moderate the sharing of their perspectives- especially when said perspectives come from 'years' of accumulated knowledge, which incidentally is not always synonymous with wisdom. So the question arises, how should these enthusiastic types be 'educated' without personally diminishing their enthusiasm?

Again i encourage the simplicity found in honesty... Perhaps addressing the group at the beginning of the next discussion (or sending a group email) to explain this naturally-arising conundrum, might be a way to educate others without appearing to vilify anyone. And maybe add a suggestion that should others become interested in what others share beyond its basics- then to make private arrangements to share further, i. e. videos, literature, websites, etc. This way the forum remains free for All to contribute without the group becoming mired in one particular subject field- unless, of course, the particular group collectively expresses deeper interest.

There will always be fellow-humans who find certain topics too "dark/disturbing." The reality of Death and perhaps the 'spirit of intent' in hosting a Death Cafe IS to explore all collective and personal possibilities/information on a subject which is disturbing to many... The point (if there is one) might be for us humans to grow beyond 'disturbance' by hearing or discussing vaster, often uncomfortable viewpoints that stretch us. And frankly... if someone is 'disturbed' then allow them to be so... without being unduly influenced by their current and personal (and perhaps necessary) viewpoint. Afterall, true, sustaining growth is often predicated by disturbance which can lead to 'tossing out' stagnant, limited, even painful beliefs.

One more gentle consideration... That you, my sweet sister, not take personal responsibility for the reactions of others. Death Cafe's are (ideally) free forums without any one person being 'responsible' for others- which incidentally can deteriorate into finding oneself attempting to 'control' others. As you know, everyone one of us must undergo change which is often exacerbated through disturbance. Keep the meeting civil and flowing without becoming mired in personal outcomes. :)

Many blessings.

Posted by Andrea-dude

I too have an interest in the shamanic tradition. From everything I know of that, and what I have read on this site this man is out of order and in danger of betraying both Death Cafe and his shamanic teaching. So a definite, "this is not the place" to him please

Posted by Red Wolf

I too have had participants who have come with their own agenda and some times they are very persistent. I am now more diligent in establishing "the rules" before we begin and I find then I am more comfortable in diverting some one who has an agenda. I underline that sharings at Death Café come from the heart and more our own direct experiences not from theories etc. I have had to speak to some one aside to discourage them from coming if they are not able to accept the rules. Yes Red, a definite "this is not the place" usually suffices.

Posted by Kit Racette(Montreal)