Are Australian’s preparing or prepared for their End of Life? Or is the subject off limits, Taboo? Talking about death does not necessarily hasten the event. Dying and death is a human event and not just a medical or a profit driven one.

The challenges that humans face after a life limiting diagnosis may include the stigma of having chronic disease and having fears about death. Consider this: Fear does not prevent death, it prevents life!

Such fears may be exacerbated by little or no preparation for dying and death, unresolved affairs leading to more stress along with sometimes limited holistic support from traditional institutions. People may feel more isolated and overwhelmed during the end-of-life phase.

Empathetic and holistic care of the person can be assisted by End of Life Doulas, who want to work alongside professionals in mainstream institutions where treatment of the disease rather than the person may still be the norm. After death services may be driven by profit instead of the wishes of the deceased and their families.

Doula, the term used worldwide these days, comes from Greek origins meaning ‘of service’; so, we serve without judgement. Doulas are not new in the world, having been around for centuries in communities helping the sick, the dying, the dead and families before conventional medical, health, pharmaceutical and funeral institutions particularly in western society became the norm. Doulas have been forgotten by society and large institutions. Denise Love, from Life Options, Doula, RN, Charity Worker, Educator, my Mentor advises that, “A Death Doula is someone who is death literate, knows that death is not the enemy and serves with an openness in private practice”.

End of Life Doulas can simply hold space or vigil with people, being a caring presence, or provide companionship, resources and options to honour the unique needs and wishes of those nearing their end of life. Doulas interact with terminally ill and frail aged persons, their families, practitioners and the wider community. Doulas witness and assist others navigating through challenging times and know of the profound impact that safe supportive spaces and compassionate end-of-life care has, for all. Doulas need to be active listeners, to have conversations with the dying and all those around them, evoking curiosity, asking, “What are you feeling, thinking?” “Tell me more”

People are wanting to live fully while they are able to, while planning for dying and death. For some, quality of life is more important than quantity of life. They want to be in the moment, they don’t want to stop being their genuine selves even though they are ill. Nor do they want to cease doing what they love, while they can.

My mentor Denise Love also told me this: “The enemy is not death. The enemy is a failure to spread your wings and to recognise how amazing life is, and then to live it”!

People want to be heard and want more choice during their End of Life Journey. Along with clarity, comfort and assurance that they do not have to transition to death alone.

People have choices that they can tailor to fit their individuality and life’s journey. For example, one may want to plan a living wake, or want a wish granted, such as  going to the beach, feet in the water, or going whale watching; attending a café regularly to eat cake and ice cream or simply sitting in a favourite place enjoying the surroundings. Going on a road trip is another option, to raise awareness and money for a cause. The late Fiona McDonald did this in the last year of her life as she had MND.

Around the clock support can be given by End of Life Doulas for persons with no living family, or maybe are estranged from family, or if family are not geographically close, whether they are still at home, in care or are wanting to come home to die after being in care because family could not look after them.

Dying parents who have young children and don’t want to die in the family home may go to a Hospital, Hospice, another private home or community facility to die, while supported by End of Life Doulas, their families, medical and spiritual supporters; of their choosing.

One’s Death can be as colourful as one’s life in regards to planning for after death. Such as, how will one be dressed, in what colours, who is going to dress their body for disposition, also where the body will rest.

Then there are options for disposition such as water cremation (now in Qld and some southern states), instead of fire cremation, natural burial over traditional burial, being placed in decorated do it yourself, eco-coffins, eco urns or shrouds. Full service and gathering, or none, memorial service and gathering in the future; of one’s choosing. Ceremonies may vary depending on cultural, spiritual, ancestral traditions, rituals and beliefs. So, Doulas can also be of help here in the after death space.

Most of us here would remember the saying “Man’s only certainty is Death and Taxes”!
To paraphrase the words of Aditi Sethi founder of the Centre for Conscious Living and Dying in the US:
One day we will all Surrender to Death. What control do we have over this? Ultimately, letting go!

Aditi also quoted these words from her late mother in law, who before death, said “We are spiritual beings having a human experience”. In essence, we are more than flesh and blood.

Every human has the right to validation; that is, to be seen and heard, every human has the right to live, die and be laid to rest, their way, with dignity and grace!