Having worked in Cancer Nursing for the past 20 years I always thought I had a good “tool – bag” of skills to be able to cope with most aspects of bereavement, loss and grief. But then my mother died after a very short illness and everything I knew was shaken.

Mum was 76, she had led an active life, always there and always full of more energy than the rest of us. Then she became ill and everything changed in an instant. From her diagnosis with a Grade IV brain tumour to her death 6 weeks later I went through every emotion possible and many I didn’t know existed. Even though I knew this was the “natural” way of things for us to lose our parents first, it still felt incredibly raw and I now finally understood what people meant when they said to me it was like walking through mud.

Most people supported me incredibly well, some who I thought would, ran away, others surprised me with their intuition, others shocked me with their lack of tact. The impact on my family life was deep, the need to have my husband close and push him away at the same time was confusing for us both. The questions from my children were challenging at a time when I was least prepared, some incredibly blunt that I had to remind myself of their ages and that no hurt was intended. The way emotions just popped up at times we least expected it and the way I couldn’t cry even when I was desperate to.

Prior to mum being ill I have always been a provider of support and advocacy to friends and relations who are going through traumatic times, trying to help and lead them through their journey where I can. In the last few weeks a neighbour and friend of ours died suddenly, no warning and at a young age. The fallout from this was something I had never experienced both personally and for the family, my family and our local community.

Grief Wellies is designed to give support and point you in the right direction at a time when you probably don’t know which way is up. I hope to be able to lead you through this process, whether you have lost someone close to you or are facing the possibility of this. I understand that every person has different ways of coping and will react in many different ways to what they are experiencing. However, I hope through providing a site like this you will be able to take from it parts that are helpful and direct me to other information you would like to see on here. It will be a work in progress and I hope will grow in time to respond to the needs of those visiting – who knows where we will end up but it is my way of doing something in my mum’s memory to support others – a philosophy that she instilled in me and lived by herself.

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