Herne Hill - How Talking About Death Can Help Us Live Better
A write up of Herne Hill Death Cafe
By annkenrick
A diverse group of 21 people, across the generations, attended the Death Café. Some key themes emerged:
· The shock of sudden death of a family member highlights the need for open discussion about planning for death at a time when there is no pressure. Conversations can also eliminate regrets, after the person dies, about what you wish you had said.
· You can feel very exposed when a family member dies, as the logistics that follow death are not well understood.
· When a person is terminally ill but does not want to die, it feels a betrayal to talk about death. One participant explained that in Thailand they were told ‘Talking about death can make you die’.
· There was agreement that to the extent we have fear, it is fear of dying – not of death itself. A person’s beliefs about afterlife can soften any fear of death.
· Because of progress in available ‘life-saving’ medical treatments, we wrongly focus on longevity, and not quality, of life.
· A participant who had made a failed suicide attempt explained how the experience had helped them refocus – now, instead of choosing to die, they choose to live every day, as a positive thing.
· Some countries have a healthier relationship with death - the Day of the Dead is seen as a constructive way to demystify death. We heard from experiences in Mexico, Peru and Thailand.
Some feedback descriptions of the session: friendly, inspiring, delightful, inclusive, thought-provoking, uplifting, informative, peaceful, blissful.