July Death Cafe Denver
A write up of Denver Death Cafe-July
By Anita Larson
Denver Death Café Summary
July 20, 2014
Many thanks to Mike and Lee Heflebower with Heflebower Funeral Services (family owned) for hosting the July Denver Death Cafe and providing refreshments.
A film crew from Ivanhoe Productions taped & filmed the entire discussion. They also interviewed selected people before and after the meeting. They were very professional and their presence did not inhibit the open, respectful dialogue. They are independent TV producers who sell their stories to different TV stations and news media, so I will post a link when it airs.
We tried a different format this time. Each attendee wrote a question on a piece of paper and dropped it in a basket. The basket was passed around and questions read aloud for discussion.
Anita Larson opened the meeting. Below is a summary of our discussions and thoughts in no particular order.
Burial or Cremation
The majority of attendees preferred cremation. Very surprised how churches know so little about cremation. Embalming seems unnatural to me. That’s why cremation appeals to me. Dialogue around donating bodies for research – decomposition studies, maybe plasticized for that Human Body Exhibit. Our bodies are mostly carbon and it takes a lot of fuel to do cremation – not very “green” or “eco-friendly”. What will become of my ashes? What is Green Burial and is it legal in Denver? New Cemetery opening this fall in Douglas County that will have a Green Burial section.
Talking with Parents
What do you say to parents who don’t want to talk about it? The greatest gift my dad gave us was to pre-plan his own funeral – right down to the music and photos. It gave us time to grieve instead of making decisions or guessing what he wanted. Have you heard of “The Conversation Project”? They have great info and ideas on talking about it with your parents or family members.
The Dying Process
It’s very healthy to talk about death. My father died and was very fearful at the end. I am very scared of dying and worry about it. It’s not so much the dying part – it’s all the stuff leading up do dying – strokes, dementia and losing mobility. Doesn’t everyone want to die in their own home? So few do.
End of Life Concerns
Do not want to be fearful. Want all my needs taken care of and would like to choose the method and time of dying. The emergency personnel didn’t honor my mother’s wishes for a “do not resuscitate” – how do we enforce these documents? What’s the point in having them if they are not adhered to? Want to be in charge and have choices about my care. The concept of suffering is something I don’t want to happen. Saw the documentary “Dying Wish” about a doctor in Boulder, CO who chose terminal dehydration after being diagnosed & treated with a terminal illness.
Leaving a Legacy
Am afraid of the “nothingness” when dying, not seeing the sun, the birds or my friends. It’s as though my life didn’t matter after I am gone. Don’t believe in heaven or a life after death – this is it. The world will continue on without me as if I wasn’t here. I think there is a whole other dimension, not necessarily heaven or hell. My concern is the “medicalization” of the dying process – trying to keep me alive no matter what. Every day I live is a GIFT! Just saw the movie about Roger Ebert – “Life Itself” and would recommend it.What Happens After You Die?
Don’t want my family to fight over stuff. For my son and daughter to love each other. Worried about my spouse or family members overriding my wishes even though they are in writing.
Final Thoughts
More than I could have hoped for and expected. Loved the honesty and openness. This was great to bring the death discussion out in the open. We’re not whispering behind a curtain somewhere. I’m going to bring some friends next time now that I can tell them what it’s all about. I’m just beginning to feel a little more comfortable.
The next Denver Death Café will be Sunday, August 24th from 3:00 p.m. – 4:30 p.m. at Agape Healthcare, 6041 S. Syracuse Way, Ste. 220, Greenwood Village, CO 80111
Please plan to arrive a few minutes early so we may begin promptly at 3:00. No RSVP required.
“Talking about death leads to a good life.”
With Gratitude,
Anita Larson, Facilitator & Celebrant
P.S. There are now over 1,000 Death Cafes worldwide!
Comments
Refreshing - responsibility for our own lives.
Posted by Myrna Norman
